When Fear is Crippling

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy 
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life, 
In You death has lost its sting

-Hillsong- Forever Reign

From the very beginning of my pregnancy, with Wren, I was overwhelmed with fear. We found out we were expecting at 4 weeks. When my doctor told me no ultrasound until 8 weeks I was scared.  We had been wanting to expand our family for so long, I just wanted needed to see that sweet little gummy bear on a screen.  Although, I begged, they wouldn't budge on the ultrasound, but they would have me come in for some blood work.  The blood work would give a rough estimate of how far along I really was, and how all my levels were looking- basically I was going into see if this was in fact a "viable" pregnancy.  I went in for blood work one day and then three days later for some more.  When the results came back I was told "We think this will be a viable pregnancy, but your progesterone levels are a little low. We want you to take a progesterone pill every night for the first 10 weeks of pregnancy until the placenta can take over and do its job.  This will help decrease your chance of a miscarriage".  This just wasn't something I expected to hear, so fear reared its ugly head and consumed me.  For the next 6 weeks I was totally crippled by the fear that I was going to lose this baby. I had awful dreams and most nights I hardly slept at all, in fear of dreaming. All the while I am praying constantly for this baby- to be full of life, to be healthy and strong not only in body but strong in the Lord, for peace and rest for me... and still there was fear. After my first ultrasound the fear subsided a little.I was elated to see that gummy bear and its heat beating on the screen. Still, I made sure to keep our pregnancy under-wraps til around the 12 week mark. 

Right at 12 weeks we announced to everyone we were expecting!

by way of Christmas card

banners by All Things Brite

Excitement grew and fear subsided through the holiday season.  We were just so happy to share the news with friends and family! Right after the new year, we had a sweet gender reveal with our closest friends and family

I think it goes with out saying, I was a little excited

Fast forward to our 20 week anatomy scan... We headd to the consultation room, doc came in and said... "Well, everything looks good, but she is just a little on the small side. I am sure I'm worried for nothing, but because I am OCD will you agree to do genetic testing just to make sure we aren't looking at any chromosomal issues".  So here comes fear...

After 10 years days we got the results in that our girl was just fine, tiny but perfect.  So the fear subsided.  I prayed for her every day that she will be kind but fierce, that she will love the Lord, that she will be a blessing to everyone around her, that she will be peaceful and bring joy to our home, that she will be an amazing sleeper, and totally healthy, perfect in every way- but never speaking directly to the fear.

Skip to the third trimester... My blood pressure started to be on the high side. I went in for non stress tests and blood work with each doctor visit.  We had an ultrasound at 36 weeks to check on her fluid and her size. She had grown, and was no longer as tiny as expected. Wren was estimated to be 6lb 7oz at my last ultrasound, so the doctor scheduled an induction for the following week [due to my blood pressure]. 

Welcome back fear... What was I afraid of? That was the question I kept asking myself and the question I would be asked by those who I shared my fear with. My answer was always,"I don't know, every thing I guess". That week was the longest of my life and the Sunday before being induced on Monday felt like and eternity. I will never forget all the tears I shed, from sheer terror that Sunday. 

Through the whole pregnancy I was constantly telling God "I know I shouldn't be afraid" but what I wasn't doing was confronting the enemy and telling him, he had no power over me. It wasn't until Wren was born that I realized the fear I was experiencing was not the fear of the Lord preparing me for something to be wrong, it was the devil consuming me with fear. He wanted me in a place of all consuming crippling fear, so that there would be no way for me to handle what was coming after Wren was born. For nine months I let the devil win, but not anymore.  

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

This verse rings true to the season we have been walking. God has strengthened me, He is helping me and He is upholding me. I will no longer let fear, ungodly fear cripple me.

No One Likes to Talk About the "I" Word

This is a preface to the season we are in now.. The journey is important

Infertility

Infertility: Not being able to become pregnant despite having frequent, unprotected sex for at least a year

The statistics: 

• The "I" word is NOT an inconvenience; it is a disease of the reproductive system that impairs the body's ability to perform the basic function of reproduction.
   
• The "I" word affects 6.7 million women in the U.S. -- about 11% of the reproductive-age population.
   
• In a survey of married women, the CDC found that 1.5 million women in the US (6%) are infertile 
• The "I" word affects men and women equally.
   
• Twenty-five percent of infertile couples have more than one factor that contributes to their infertility.
   
• In approximately 40 percent of infertile couples, the male partner is either the sole cause or a contributing cause of infertility.
   
• Irregular or abnormal ovulation accounts for approximately 25 percent of all female infertility problems.
• Twelve percent of all infertility cases are a result of the woman either weighing too little or too much.

these statistics were found here

For two years I was part of these statistics. I was part of the 25% with ovulation problems and the 12% of women, who have trouble becoming pregnant due to weight.

When you want to expand your family, you never think of these statistics... until you become one.

After lots of prayer, working with a doctor to regulate my issues, losing 30lbs, and lots of prayer, we found out we were expecting

photo and caption from our gender reveal January 9th 2015

For two long emotional, trying years we tried to have a baby. There were so many times I woke up defeated. I let every negative test and a lost pregnancy destroy my faith. I was convinced E would be our only child and I was starting to plan our life with just him. Until about 5 months ago when I started listening this amazing worship album by Steffany Grezinger. The song "Steady Heart" just wrecked me. The opening line goes " though I can't see what's in front of me still I will trust You" I cried, I prayed, my faith was renewed and I knew, though I couldn't see it that God had a greater plan for our family. About a month later we were pregnant. God new better than I when the perfect time for this baby to enter our lives was. His timing couldn't be better. He truly knew my hearts desire and I am blown away by His love and faithfulness for our family

Our sweet Wren is a gift from God. She was created by him with a purpose. Her life has already helped me grow in ways I didn't know I could. She is a testimony of Gods grace and love for each of us. 

if you struggle with infertility, please know that my family is praying for you! Don't let the "I" word define you.

If You Really Knew Me

A few weeks ago I was reading Lauren's Blog. She did this post called "If you really knew me". Apparently it's all over the blog world. I hadn't seen it until Lauren posted, but then after I read hers I saw tons of other blog friends write similar posts. So I've decided I'll jump on the band wagon as well.

If you REALLY knew me....

*You would know that one day I would love to open my own bakery or really fun craft shop.

*You would know that I always see good in everyone and the times when people turn out to not be who they seem it breaks my heart.

*You would know that I used to want 5 kids, don't know what I was thinking! I now only want two.

*You would know that I love country music and my husband isn't a fan of that...

*You would know that I never thought anyone would care about what I had to say on this blog but knowing that people read and enjoy it makes me so very happy!

*You would know that I would love to live on a farm, own horses, 10+/- dogs and lots of cats.

*You would know that my husband is the only man (other than my dad of course) I have ever truly loved and I don't know what I would do with out him. He's my best friend

*You would know that I love summer but I HATE the extreme heat we have in Alabama and I think humidity is of the Devil.

*You would know that I love ALL reality T.V.-- From The Bachelor to Master Chef and anything in between

*You would know that when Stephan and I were dating he got me a kitten (and he HATES cats) but she turned out to be really sick and she died in my arms. Saddest day ever!

*You would know that I do not handle stress well. It's a flaw

*You would know that I was 100% sure that E was a girl until the night before our ultrasound when I had a dream he was a boy.

*You would know that above all else I put my faith and trust in Jesus and know he has a great plan for Stephan, Ephraim and Me.

Covered in Grace: A Guest Post

Hey ya'll. Today I am enjoying my first day in Sky Valley, relaxing and enjoying the gorgeous view! Today I'd like to introduce ya'll to Brooke from Covered in Grace. She is one of my daily reads and I am excited for ya'll to learn a little more about her today!

Have a wonderful Saturday

Hello new friends!! I'm so happy to be here today and to get the opportunity to meet you all.

My name is Brooke, and I blog over at Covered in Grace. There, I write about life as a mother, student, military wife, photog wannabe, writer and Jesus lover. For those of you that don't know me yet, I thought I'd answer a few questions about myself so yall could get to know me a little better.

1. How did you come up with the title of your blog?

Covered in Grace was something that had been rolling around in my head for a while. I had been blogging at My Beautiful Brooke for a long time, and while I was ok with the title, "beautiful" because HE sees me, it still wasn't sitting well with me-not completely. Covered in Grace encompasses what I believe, how I live, and pretty sums it all up. I am Covered in Grace through faith in Jesus.

2. If there was one blog post that you'd direct your readers to, what would that be?

Oh man, I'd direct you to any of my faith posts, but right now, the one that I love so much, that really tugs on my heartstrings right now is...all summer long.  You can also see a branch off of that post at From the Guest Room.

3. What is your go-to quick fix meal when you've spent too much time on Pinterest/Your Blog been very, very busy?

Ha! Pancakes? Biscuits with eggs? Anything breakfast!

4. What is something you're looking forward to this coming summer?

I'm finally going back home to Texas for a visit!! I have been stuck on this rock in the Pacific for two and a half years (without leaving) and I am sooo excited to finally head out for a little bit. My little brother is getting married! And I'll finally get to see my niece! Woo!

5. Do you have any goofy talents or specialties?

Why, yes. Yes I do. I can make a siren sound by throat-chopping myself. It's very, very awesome. Maybe you saw it in the I've Got Talent Vlog Linkup Challenge? 

6. If you could be a character from any book through out the entire story, what book-what character?

Oh, that's easy. No question. I would be Claire Beauchamp Randall Fraser...wife of Jamie Fraser. (oooh la la) She's the heroine in the best books ever....the Outlander series. If you haven't read these books, YOU MUST! These are the books I recommend over all others.

7. What is the best piece of blogging advice that you've ever received?

Be yourself. Write about what you want, feel, believe. And don't worry about the numbers.

8. What is your biggest dream?  

To grow old with my husband. But after that...it's to become a published author...to just be a writer and have my words reach the masses.

9. What is your favorite Saturday morning like?

Waking up whenever, breakfast with the family, heading outside to be in this gorgeous Hawaiian weather...

10. Why do you blog?

I blog to practice my craft. To use my gifts. To reflect on my spirituality and faith. I blog to glorify God. To share my favorite things. To network with others. To maintain daily writing habits. I blog because it has become a fantastic hobby...and because I love it.

I would love it if you'd stop by and visit me from time to time!

You can find me here:

Covered in Grace | Twitter | HelloCotton | Bloglovin | Facebook 

Friday Letters

Dear Thompson Square, Darius Rucker and Lady Antebellum concert: Thank you for being one of the best concerts I've ever been to! I'm exhausted today, but it was worth it. Also, thank you for giving me a reason to wear my boots again!

Dear Dad: Thank you for buying me and the sister tickets to Lady A. You really the best dad in the world and I'm so thankful you're mine!

Dear Sister: I loved spending time with you last night. I miss you! (even though I see you almost every week)

Dear Mom: Thank you for watching E while Stephan was a band practice!

Dear Husband: Thank you for being wonderful and putting little man down to bed so I could enjoy the night. I love you SO much.

Dear Ephraim: I am so glad you are feeling better! You didn't throw any awful, heart wrenching, sickly induced fits yesterday so I would say you're on the mend. You're the cutest baby in the world and when you played with your "girlfriend", at the park, yesterday it melted my heart.

Dear Friday: Please be nice to me, I am exhausted!

Dear Saturday{evening}: Please hurry! I need some loose ends to be tied on our "secret" so I can share it!

Dear blog friends: Thank your for sticking with me this week. It was a dull week on the blog, but you guys were still there to make me smile with your sweet comments. Love ya'll

Dear God: Thank you for blessing me with this life I have. Without you I'd have nothing.

Close to my Heart

A few weeks ago when I posted about the new blogs I love to read I mentioned Olivia. In case you missed my post or have never read Olivia's blog I will give you a little background. Olivia is a 24 year old graduate of the University of Georgia. The year after graduating college Olivia was diagnosed with cancer. In the time since being diagnosed she has been faced with cervical, breast, ovarian, and uterine cancer. She is now fighting brain cancer. She is spending time at the Cancer Center of America in South Carolina for treatment. Since I first discovered Olivia's blog she has held a special place in my heart, thoughts and prayers, I hate cancer and no one deserves to go through what she is having to face especially with so much life left to be lived! I don't know why God has placed it on my heart to help her. Maybe it is because we are the same age and both from the south and her story has made me realize even more just how precious life really is. With all that said, the Lord has really placed it on my heart to help her and this is the way I feel is best to do so:

I have been making and selling these bracelets. 

The bracelets will cost $10 each (plus a flat rate of $3 shipping) with half  the proceeds going to Olivia to help her pay for her treatment/anything she may need for her recovery. I want everyone to know that I will not be making any money off of these bracelets I will just be making enough to buy more product to produce more bracelets and ship them out.

If you would like your bracelet to be silver instead of brass please let me know and I will arrange that.

To order please email me at rachelnichols11.12@gmail.com I accept paypal

 (or cash/check if you are picking up directly from me)

{if you would like to share this post to help me spread the word about these bracelets please feel free to do so}

Day Dreaming

I really shouldn't have too much time to myself because when I do this happens...

 

I start picking out our second house...

Which isn't all bad, we just cant buy one right this moment, so it's a little premature picking.

Today I found this fabulous 4bed 2bath home in the wonderful neighborhood of Southern Trace (or Highlands Trace as most people who live there would call it) in Leeds. When we do move, aside from building on family land, this is my (our) ideal spot.

Since I only work a few days a week, I am pretty much a stay at home mom. Living in Southern Trace would put us around a TON of friends. I would have lots of stay at home mom's to hang out with and Ephraim would have lots of buddies to play with. The neighborhood also has a pool which is a big plus.

A house like this would give us room to add one more little munchkin to the family and have a play room!

I just pray that when the time does come for us to actually purchase our first home that one as perfect as this will be available!

Psalm 37:4

I am so thankful for the house God has given us for right now, but if we don't dream what do we have to work towards?

Happy Monday

 

Ephraim is 12 weeks old today!

(but not officially three months 'til Sunday) 

Today we had Ephraim's two month check up (a little late haha).

He weighed in at a whopping 13lb 4oz's 

and was 23 1/2 inches

He's ranking in he 90th percentile in weight and the 75th percentile in height!

I think it's safe to say we have a very healthy boy!

Still blows my mind how big he's getting...

Excuse me while I brag on my sweet son:
 Every time we see Ephraim's doc he always makes the comment "You guys are very blessed" 

I have to agree with him! 

Today he mentioned to us that the coordination Ephraim as with his hands/arms, legs/feet is that of a 4-6 month old 

also his being able to sit up on the couch unassisted (only for about 45 seconds now) and him starting to roll over is pretty advanced as well.

and...

We get to start on cereal now I'm very excited!

I am so thankful for how much God has blessed our lives! I have the best husband in the world and the sweetest baby ever! If someone could guarantee me all our kids would be like Ephraim I might want more than three.

I am so looking forward to the next few months and all the milestones that we will experience as Ephraim grows. We've decided that we will be making most, if not all, of his baby food when he begins that. It will save lots of money and it's healthier for him at the same time. I'm really looking forward to that!